Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Down the rabbit hole...and back
First of all, thanks so much to Joe and the rest of
the Killers (and our wonderful blog readers) for doing a great job during my absence by holding Open Tuesdays.
I've been on "medical hiatus" for a couple of months. Here's what happened: Back in May, I received an unexpected diagnosis of hydrocephalus (fluid on the brain). When the MRI confirmed the disorder, I instantly reframed a number of gnarly symptoms that I'd been suffering for some time. Before the diagnosis, I thought I'd been going through a number of garden-variety ailments (mid-life malaise,
vertigo, migraines, clumsy gait, plus being out of shape), so it was shocking to discover that many of the symptoms were being caused by a plumbing problem in the brain (well, except maybe for being out of shape).
I reacted calmly at first, but then total panic set in. I froze. I stopped almost all activities--driving, the gym, reading, writing, walking the dog...you name it. I went into the hospital for tests, and surgery was indicated. Then a complication set in (the last thing you want to hear when it comes to your brain), and the next round of surgery has been postponed until late August.
So now, here it is late July, and I've decided to unfreeze. I can't change the fact that recovery is going to be a long haul, but I'm now forcing myself to resume some regular activities. First and foremost, I have rededicated myself to writing every day. I went a long spell without writing a single word. Concentration and short term memory is an issue with hydrocephalus, and for a long time, even the weekly blog post seemed an overwhelming task.
But that changed slowly. Like tiny songbirds of spring returning to a tree, I began resuming certain interests and activities. The first bird to return was reading. After a while, for inspiration, I started doing "writer's reading," which is when a writer reads books of the type he or she would like to write. Then I started jotting down notes on index cards. Next, I started triangulating on the story I'd like to be writing. (What if this happened, and then that?). Then one day I opened up my laptop and typed an opening paragraph. And so it has gone from there.
So things are getting somewhat back to normal. It's been an interesting challenge, trying to recover both physical and creative equilibrium. On the physical side I still have a ways to go, but I'm holding my ground on the creative side, which for me means continuing to write.
So thanks again to you all, just for being here today. And I'm wondering: Has there ever been a time when you've had to really fight to keep writing, due to physical or mental challenges, or your circumstances?